Love & Marriage
There are various approaches to love depending on the age, background and province of the person. Nearly all Chinese are shy and prudish when it comes to expressing love or talking to a member of the opposite sex in any kind of flirtatious way. They take things slowly and it can be a really tricky effort to get someone’s attention in that respect. But once it has been decided to tie to knot, things move quickly with a new house and kids all sorted in a matter of a couple of years max. This naturally makes the extended family happy!
Chinese girls are still very traditional (something they frequently mention) and the young guys must show a large degree of servitude to win her heart. That said, Chinese women are famous for their loyalty and this is no myth. There is an expectation to alter one's life following marriage to show more commitment to the family and securing wealth and income. This does sometimes cause a conflict between a Chinese and a foreign partner. If you are diving into marriage, you are not only wedding a family's son or daughter, you are entering into the fabric of the culture to the point in-laws may move in with you both if you have a child together and they'll call you their son/daughter. It's a deep connection with often high expectations.
However, there are many marriages which are still the result of family pressure or done out of age necessity. Staying unmarried well into the 30s is not a good thing. Innocence is an important factor in the social behaviour of a young adult. Getting serious with a person means needing to meet and impress their parents many times over, particularly during national holidays, and this can be a daunting task. See Family.
Chinese weddings are a razzmatazz of glitzy, humorous vows orchestrated by an MC in a bright jacket (something akin to a gameshow presenter) staged in a great hall or hotel foyer, in front of their extended family and many friends. The new couple must pay their respects and pledge everlasting commitment to their respective parents on a platform decorated with pink balloons and falling glitter, all drowned out by sweet love songs. Guests arrive and give money (rather than gifts) – about 500RMB would be fine – a ‘hongbao’ is a red envelope with cash inside. No need to gift a wedding gift in Chinese culture. They prefer money! The ties with the family are far from severed after marriage, with parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles all continuing to dictate what the young, new couple should and should not do. So if you go to a Chinese wedding, take some cash (still preferred over wechat payments) and get a hongbao envelope for it if you can. By the way, smart casual is enough for a Chinese wedding. Only the bride and groom dress to impress. See clothing.
Simply, most families are chiefly concerned with not loosing face within their own communities, even if their children are living at the other end of China! (See Face).
